What Should You Say to an Alcoholic to Help Them Get Treatment?

It’s not easy to see a loved one struggle with alcohol addiction. You can clearly see its negative impacts on their life, and it can be difficult to understand why they keep drinking despite the consequences. Unfortunately, it’s very difficult for an alcoholic to stop drinking on their own. They need treatment, which can be a difficult and long road.

You can’t force an alcoholic to get treatment, but you can have a conversation with them to offer support, empathy, and encouragement. To do so, however, you should understand what they’re going through by educating yourself about alcoholism and planning your approach to the conversation.

Understanding Alcohol Use Disorder

Alcohol use disorder, or alcoholism, occurs when a person can no longer control their drinking despite negative consequences. Part of this may come from a physical dependency on alcohol and the withdrawal symptoms that occur when they don’t drink.

The American Psychological Association (APA) offers this description of alcohol use disorder.

“Alcohol use disorder is characterized by failure to fulfill daily responsibilities and role obligations, alcohol-seeking behavior, unsuccessful efforts to control alcohol use, drinking despite potential hazards (e.g., drinking while driving), the need for increased amounts of alcohol to achieve its effects (tolerance), and withdrawal symptoms when one stops or reduces alcohol intake (e.g., hand tremors, nausea, agitation, hallucinations).”

Another point that is important for you to understand is that alcohol withdrawal can be very dangerous, so treatment needs to start with a medically supervised detox. You should not encourage your loved one to stop drinking on their own.

Signs of Alcohol Use Disorder

An alcohol use disorder can only be diagnosed by a medical professional, but certain signs can indicate that your loved one likely has the disorder.

Signs include:

• Physical signs, including bloodshot eyes, sleeping excessively, and unsteadiness
• Mood changes such as uncharacteristic anger
• Loss of interest in relationships, work, or school
• Lying and secretiveness

What to Say to an Alcoholic to Help Them Get Treatment

When you make a plan for your conversation with your loved one, there are several things to keep in mind.

1. Choose a good time to have the conversation. You want them to be sober, and you’ll want to speak privately and uninterrupted.
2. Express your concerns for the person and how their drinking seems to be affecting their life and health, and how it is impacting you.
3. Use empathetic statements such as, “I understand that you’re going through a tough time.”
4. Give them options such as, “maybe you should see someone to be evaluated.”
5. Don’t be demanding by saying things like, “you need to get help.”
6. Stay calm and do not get angry, even if they do.
7. Don’t call them an alcoholic. Focus on their actions, not labels.
8. Don’t just talk—listen.
9. Do not blame them for their problem or make accusations.

Keep in mind that you may have to have this conversation more than once before they are ready to seek help. You need to have realistic expectations and understand that you can’t force them to get treatment.

Other Ways to Show Support

Often, people with addictions don’t know where to begin when it comes to treatment. You can help by gathering information about treatment options and how the process works. Present the information to them or show them a treatment program website.

You can also participate in the process. For example, you could start by offering to be with them when they call a treatment provider like Bridges of Hope. Our team members will walk you through your options and the process and answer any questions that you and your loved one have.

Other ways to participate include accompanying them for their initial consultation or intake to a program and participating in family therapy that may be offered.

Additionally, you can help them by offering to take care of things while they’re in inpatient treatment, such as their home, pets, or other responsibilities.

Long-Term Support

Alcohol use disorder recovery is a lifelong process. You can support your loved one long term in several ways.

1. If you live with the loved one, don’t keep alcohol in the home.
2. Help them build a support system by encouraging them to attend support groups or providing them with information about peer support programs.
3. Notice their triggers that could lead to relapse and offer support, or engage them in a fun activity where alcohol is not involved.
4. Participate in support group meetings with them, or in ongoing family therapy.
5. Celebrate their milestones, such as a one-year sobriety anniversary.
6. Encourage them to have healthy habits, such as eating a nutritious diet and exercising. You could even join a gym together and attend regularly.

Take Care of Yourself

You can only be at your best for your loved one if you take care of yourself first. Being there for someone through the treatment and recovery process can be stressful, so you might want to find your own support. You can join a support group for families of alcoholics, or attend therapy of your own to keep yourself mentally healthy.

You should also not be so invested in helping your loved one that you abandon activities that you do in your home. Make time for “me” time.

In Closing

It can be overwhelming to watch someone you love suffer with an alcohol use disorder. Remember that you can’t do it all—they are in control of their own recovery—but you can offer support and compassion to help them through the process. Start by learning all you can about alcoholism and how the treatment process works. With your support, your loved one can have a better, healthier future.