What to Do When Your Adult Child Refuses Help for Addiction

Being a parent doesn’t end when your child becomes an adult. You still worry about them and want to help them be happy and successful. When you see your adult child struggling with addiction, it can be terrifying, especially if they are refusing help. While you can’t force them to get treatment in most cases, you can do a few things that may help to move them in the right direction.

Signs of Addiction

First, you should understand what addiction is to know if your child is addicted, and how severe the problem is. The formal definition according to the Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders has 11 criteria that determine whether an addiction, also called a substance use disorder, is present.

1. Using substances more than intended or for longer than intended
2. Wanting to reduce or stop substance use but not being able to
3. Spending excessive amounts of time using the substance or recovering from using the substance
4. Feeling cravings for the substance
5. Failing to live up to responsibilities due to substance use
6. Having relationship problems because of substance use
7. Giving up normal activities in order to use the substance instead
8. Engaging in risky behaviors like driving while using the substance or under the influence
9. Continuing to use the substance in spite of negative consequences like health issues
10. Needing more of the substance to get the same effects
11. Having withdrawal symptoms when not using the substance

Having two to three of these symptoms indicates a mild AUD, four to five is considered moderate, while six or more is severe. Even a mild SUD requires treatment, but the level will determine the intensity of the treatment required.

You may not know how many of the criteria your child meets since they are not all externally visible, but other signs can be indicators that they have an addiction. These include:

• Changes in appetite
• Changes in sleep patterns
• Poor hygiene
• Having conflicts with family and friends
• Missing school or work
• Poor school or job performance
• Disinterest in past hobbies
• Low motivation
• Personality changes
• Mood swings
• Secretive behavior
• Paranoia

Understand Why They are Refusing Help

First, it’s important to understand why they are refusing help. This can give you more empathy when you approach them about their addiction, but it also allows you to address their objections.

When an adult child refuses help for addiction, there may be several reasons. They may struggle to fully recognize the impact of their substance use, especially if they are still able to work, maintain relationships, or avoid serious consequences. Fear may also be a factor. They may be afraid of withdrawal, being judged, or losing control over their own life. In some cases, underlying mental health disorders such as anxiety or depression may make the idea of treatment feel overwhelming rather than hopeful.

Learn About Treatment Options

Before you approach your child to have a conversation, you need to understand treatment options so that you can provide them with information. Start by finding treatment facilities in your area and learning what they have to offer.

Most addiction treatment facilities offer three treatment programs that should be attended consecutively, although each one can be a standalone treatment option. These programs are:

• Inpatient Treatment: An inpatient treatment program lasts from 30 to 90 days, and involves a period of medically supervised detox, followed by intensive therapy.
• Partial Hospitalization Program (PHP): A PHP allows your child to live at home while attending treatment for four to six hours per day, usually five days a week. The program may last anywhere from four weeks to ten weeks. The treatment consists of therapy similar to that of inpatient treatment.
• Intensive Outpatient Program (IOP): An IOP consists of two to three hours of therapy several days a week for eight to twelve weeks. Often, sessions are held in the evenings so that your child can still go to work or attend school.

Have a Conversation

Having a conversation with your adult child may not be easy, but you have to try, even if you’ve tried before. Choose a time when your child will be sober, and a place where there will be privacy and no interruptions.

The conversation should be centered around your concerns about their life and health, and how their addiction is affecting you. Express your knowledge about their addiction and its dangers. It’s important to give your child a chance to speak and respond to what you’re saying. Don’t interrupt them or talk over them. Wait until they finish, and then you can address their objections or misconceptions

Sometimes it’s easy to get angry at someone struggling with addiction because you can clearly see that they’re hurting themselves, but you need to stay calm and empathetic. Speak from your heart, and make sure they know how important they are to you and that your concern comes from love.

When you feel it’s time, give them the information that you’ve gathered about treatment options, and offer to help them make the call. Let them know that you’ll be there with them every step of the way.

Consider an Intervention

If your conversations with your child have not worked, you might consider an intervention. An intervention involves several family members and friends coming together to share their concerns about your child’s addiction, offering help and support and encouraging treatment. An intervention should be well planned, and everyone involved should know what they are going to say. It also should involve providing the addicted person with the resources they need to understand treatment options and a plan to get into a treatment program.

You may want to consider hiring a professional interventionist. They can help in one of two ways. They can help you to create your intervention plan by understanding your loved one’s specific situation, or they actually be a facilitator of the intervention itself, helping to keep the conversation on track and providing information on treatment options.

Set Boundaries

If your child still refuses help, you need to set boundaries and stop any enabling behavior. Boundaries clarify what you can and cannot do for your child, such as choosing not to provide money that could support substance use and setting expectations about living arrangements and behavior in your home. The key is to communicate these limits calmly, without anger, and to follow through consistently.

In Closing

It may seem as though you’ve hit a brick wall trying to help your adult child with their addiction, but if you continuously let them know that you support them, you may break through eventually. If you need resources and information about treatment options, Bridges of Hope is here to help. We offer several treatment programs, and are committed to providing comprehensive, compassionate care so that your child can begin their journey of recovery.