How Forgiveness Can Help Your Recovery Journey

During recovery, it’s common to experience a lot of emotions that you probably didn’t experience during active addiction. Resentment and anger are often some of those emotions, aimed at people in the past who may have harmed you or caused you trauma. You may also feel angry at yourself for your mistakes.

Forgiveness of others and forgiveness of yourself are an important part of your recovery journey. Forgiveness allows you to let go of the past, live in the moment, and look forward to a healthier, more fulfilling future.

Forgiving Those Who Harmed You

People who develop substance use disorders have often experienced trauma in the past. Substance use was a coping mechanism to deal with that trauma. In recovery, it’s common for memories of that trauma to return, bringing sadness, anger, and other negative emotions.

If you are experiencing this or are feeling anger toward people that have harmed you in other ways, you are harming yourself by giving those people power over you. They are making you feel angry instead of letting go to make way for positive thoughts and emotions. Anger, resentment, and hostility have no purpose. They are unproductive.

Forgiving those people does not mean forgetting, nor does it mean that you have to let them be in your life. It means letting go of your negative feelings so that you can move forward. Forgiveness can help you heal and grow as a person.

Forgiving Yourself

Feelings of guilt and shame are common during recovery. You may feel anger toward yourself for things that you did during active addiction and for the addiction itself. These feelings may be compounded by other people who are also angry at you for those things.

What’s important to remember, though, is that you are human and humans are fallible. They make mistakes. You also have to remember that your addiction had tremendous power over you. You did things during addiction that you likely would not have done if you’d been sober.

However, now you have taken steps to get better and are on a recovery journey. You’re working hard to move forward and grow. The past is the past and the future is yours to do with what you choose, and you’re choosing recovery. You need to have compassion for yourself, forgive yourself, and be proud of the journey that you’re on.

The Benefits of Forgiveness

Forgiving others and yourself offers a plethora of benefits that can aid in your recovery.

• Being angry and resentful is stressful, which can lead to anxiety and depression. Forgiveness reduces your stress and brings positive feelings.
• Forgiving yourself can make you feel better about yourself and give you more confidence.
• Stressful feelings can lead to cravings, so reducing your stress with forgiveness can make cravings less likely.
• Letting go of negative feelings can give you a sense of freedom and peace.
• Reducing stressful feelings can improve your health by lowering your blood pressure and boosting your immune system.
• Making positive changes can reduce your risk of relapse.
• Forgiveness can help you grow as a person by increasing your ability to be empathetic and compassionate.
• By forgiving others, you may be able to rebuild relationships, which strengthens your sober support network and protects you from isolation, which can be a trigger for relapse.

The Process of Forgiveness

Forgiveness is not magic. It takes a conscious effort. Here are some steps that can help you to forgive yourself and others.

1.   Acknowledge Your Feelings

First, recognize your feelings and acknowledge that those feelings are valid. Whether you’re dealing with anger at others, or guilt for things that you’ve done, once you face those feelings and accept them, you can work on letting them go.

2.   Understand Your Addiction

Part of forgiving yourself is understanding the power of addiction and its effects on your brain.  It can make you do things you wouldn’t otherwise do.

3.   Consciously Practice Empathy

Empathy means putting yourself in someone else’s shoes in order to understand their feelings and actions. Everyone who has harmed you has a story behind them, meaning a reason for their behavior. If you can’t find a reason, consider that they have to live with the person that they are and what they’ve done. Be compassionate toward them instead of angry.

4.   Communicate

It can be helpful to communicate with the people who have harmed you in some cases. Have a conversation about why you felt harmed and tell them that you forgive them. Just remember that you may not get the response that you’re looking for. They may not acknowledge what they did or apologize. You’ll have to accept that, forgive anyway, and then walk away. Don’t turn the conversation into an argument. Remember that you’re trying to get rid of negative feelings.

5.   Be Kind to Yourself

With self-forgiveness should come self-compassion. Be kind to yourself and avoid criticizing yourself. Instead, engage in positive self-talk, and be proud of the new path that you’re on. Celebrate your milestones and stay focused on the things that are important to your recovery.

6.   Set Boundaries

Set boundaries with the people in your life who have harmed you. In some cases, that might mean not having them in your life, while in other cases, you might need to set emotional boundaries and communicate them.

7.   Let Go of Negative Feelings

When you find yourself feeling angry or resentful, consciously work to put those feelings aside. Tell yourself that they are unproductive, and that you have more important things to think about.

8.   Write It Down

It can be helpful to write down who you are forgiving and why. You can do this in a journal, or you may want to write forgiveness letters, even if you don’t intend to deliver them. You can write a forgiveness letter to yourself as well.

9.   Practice Mindfulness

Being mindful means being in the present moment, focused only on what you are doing in that moment. By practicing mindfulness, you’re not dwelling on past events that bring negative emotions.

10. Get Professional Help

If you’re finding forgiveness difficult, you may want to speak with a counselor or therapist. They can help you to work through your feelings and find a way to let go of the past.

In Closing

Forgiveness of others and yourself is not easy, but it can help you in your recovery by removing negative emotions to make way for positive ones. Holding on to anger, resentment, and guilt has no purpose. Instead, let go and focus on your recovery journey and the new, healthy, fulfilling life that you are building.