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Addiction impacts not only the individual but also the people around them, particularly romantic partners. This impact can be long-lasting, affecting the relationship even after the addicted person receives treatment and is in recovery.
How Does Addiction Affect Relationships?
Addiction, known clinically as a substance use disorder (SUD) can affect relationships in several ways.
Broken Trust
People with SUDs are often dishonest and secretive, lying about and hiding their substance use. They may also lie about where they go and who they’re with. This causes a breakdown in trust in the relationship, whether with a romantic partner or family member. Once lost, trust can be difficult to get back.
Abuse
Sometimes, a person with an SUD can become aggressive or violent while using, which may lead to emotional or physical abuse.
Neglect
People with SUDs become focused on getting and using drugs or alcohol, and they may become neglectful of their partner or family member. They essentially isolate themselves within their addiction. This leads to feelings of isolation for both the individual and the loved one.
Financial Issues
Substance abuse costs money, which can lead to financial issues that become a source of arguments.
Emotional Distance
Frequent arguments, lack of trust, and abuse or neglect can create an emotional distance in which the emotional needs of both parties are not being met.
Codependency and Enablement
Often, codependency can occur, in which the partner or family member feels overwhelmed by the need to take care of the addicted person. However, they do so because they are emotionally dependent on the person, just as much as the addicted individual is dependent on them.
They may also enable the person’s addiction by making excuses for them, covering for them, and even placing blame on themselves.
These behaviors create an unhealthy dynamic, further straining the relationship.
Can Relationships Survive Addiction?
If a relationship is going to survive addiction, the addiction must be treated. If this occurs and recovery continues, with help, the relationship may survive. However, it will take time and work by both parties to rebuild trust and emotional connection. Family or couples’ therapy can be invaluable in this process.
During therapy, several areas of focus will be addressed.
Empathy and Understanding
After addiction treatment, the partner or family member will likely still be harboring feelings of anger and resentment. The individual in recovery will need to acknowledge this and understand the burden that their addiction put on their loved one. At the same time, the loved one will need to understand that the addiction is a disorder that was the driver of the behavior of the addicted person.
If the two can create mutual empathy, negative feelings can be overcome and an emotional connection can be restored.
Communication
Communication often breaks down in a relationship that involves addiction, so the two parties need to learn to rebuild effective communication. This involves sharing feelings and frustrations and actively listening by both people. This open and honest communication should further the mutual empathy that is key to rebuilding an emotional connection.
Rebuilding Trust
Rebuilding trust is a two-way street, but the person in recovery carries most of the burden. They need to consistently focus on several things.
- Keep working on yourself, your recovery, your mental health, and being a better person.
- Do not blame your problems on anyone else and act like a victim. Take responsibility.
- Be reliable and show up for your responsibilities.
- Don’t expect recognition or praise for doing what you’re supposed to do.
- Do not lie or keep secrets. Be a person of your word.
- Be patient. Don’t expect trust to come back overnight.
On the other hand, if you are the partner or loved one, you also need to be patient. Rely on time and results to bring trust back.
How To Know if a Relationship Is a Trigger for Relapse
Living in an unhealthy relationship can be stressful, which can be a trigger for relapse. Several signs can tell you that your relationship may be dangerous to your recovery.
Anger
If your loved one harbors a lot of anger toward you, starting frequent arguments or bringing up the bad things you did during your active addiction, they are not helping your recovery. You may feel as though you deserve their anger, but in reality, you deserve understanding and compassion. Recovery is hard work, and someone who is a hindrance rather than a help should probably not be in your life.
Neediness
Your loved one is likely happy to have you back, but if they become needy, wanting to be with you all the time to fulfill their emotional needs, it’s going to wear on you. You may start to put their needs above your own, which can threaten your recovery.
Suspicion
While trust takes a while to rebuild, if your loved one is constantly suspicious, wanting to check up on you, it’s going to create tension that you don’t need in your life.
Control
Your loved one may want to take control of you, supervising your recovery and your life. This is unhealthy because part of recovery is reclaiming independence and responsibility.
Drinking or Using Drugs
If you and your loved one used to “party” together, and they haven’t stopped, that’s a situation you absolutely cannot be in. Your environment is an important part of recovery, and you can’t have alcohol or drugs in it. Temptation is extremely dangerous.
In Closing
Relationships can be profoundly impacted by addiction. After treatment, it is possible to rebuild the relationship, but it may require professional help. Counseling can be an effective way to rebuild trust and a healthy dynamic. At Bridges of Hope, we can provide resources for both addiction treatment and family or couples counseling during and after treatment. Take the first step and give us a call today.