A. Reason to Live Podcast

with Aaron Reason

Episode 5 – Lea’s Story

Episode 5 is all about the celebration and success of Lea, a nurse and advocate at our facility. Lea shares her story of alcohol addiction and redemption. Her heart is pure and so is her passion for helping the clients at our facility.

Transcript

Aaron Reason:
Hey guys, welcome back to A Reason to Live. I am your host Aaron Reason. Just want to thank all the listeners for coming back and listening and supporting us. This has been an awesome experience and we’re really hoping to reach all the addicts out here still suffering with our stories. Today, we’ve got a special guest, Lea, she’s one of our nurses that works here at the facility. I think you guys are going to really enjoy and love her story, so check it out and let me know what you think.

Speaker 2:
Located in Anderson, Indiana, Bridges of Hope is a detox and residential treatment facility assisting those experiencing alcohol and substance abuse addiction. Our treatment philosophy is based on a comprehensive and integrated approach to addressing all issues related to substance use disorders and co-occurring mental health issues. Addiction treatment at Bridges of Hope can guide you safely through withdrawal from drugs and alcohol, and teach you important skills that help you achieve long-term recovery. Client care is our highest priority, and we offer our clients all-inclusive treatment services. Our ultimate goal is to identify the challenges, concerns, and problems related to substance use and mental health disorders to provide professional clinical treatment to all of our patients. For more information on our services, visit us at bhoperehab.com or call 844-449-6392.

Aaron Reason:
Hey guys, welcome back to A Reason to Live. I am your host, Aaron Reason. I am here with my producer, Michael Whitlock.

Michael Whitlock:
Howdy friends.

Aaron Reason:
And we have a special guest on the show today. Her name is Lea. She is one of the nurses that works here in our facility. Can you say, hi, Lea?

Lea:
Hey guys. Thanks for having me.

Michael Whitlock:
This is going to be a great conversation because Lea has a story to tell about how she got to our facility as far as being employed, what kind of services nursing offers, and she can relate to a lot of the patients we’ve had. I think that’s always a great thing for our incoming patients. They can understand that someone has been in their shoes essentially, and that they can make it through to the other side. They’re scared to death of the hard work that they’ve got. And not only can Lea share that sympathy or empathy, if you will, but she’s just a goodhearted person anyway.

Aaron Reason:
Yeah. When I first met Lea here, just the way that she is with the clients, she’s got a very unique gift in the way that she helps the clients out. You can tell that her heart is completely committed to this job and helping others, and it’s so important for us in the recovery field to have that passion and have that desire. We just love your heart, Lea. We do.

Michael Whitlock:
We do.

Lea:
Thank you.

Michael Whitlock:
My office is located directly across the hall from the nursing office, so I get to see the interactions she has on a frequent basis. You see these patients coming in day one and they’re scared, they don’t know anybody, they’re detoxing. And if I had a loved one that was coming into a facility, I love the way you interact. And we’ve talked about this, haven’t we? You meet the patient where they are, and you get down to eye level. I see you. Those little things you do that you maybe don’t think anyone’s paying attention to, you get down to eye level. Sometimes you get on the floor with people and just sit with them so that they feel comfortable. You don’t ever act like you’re some authority that is there to intimidate. You’re there to love them and help them through this process. I think that keeps people here on day one.

Aaron Reason:
I remember a client that had came in and she had been here before when you had been here, and I will never forget this. We were doing her intake together, and she came in and she was very intoxicated, but when she saw you, she hugged you and, I mean, she was crying and just snotting all over your shoulder and you just were taking it, and that’s what really sold me on you. I was like, wow, what heart she has. But just the fact that she remembered you and saw a familiar face and felt so comfortable. So yeah, that’s really awesome. Really awesome. I love it.

Lea:
Thank you. I think it’s easy because I felt the way they felt. I’ve been in their shoes and I know how I felt at that time, and it was awful, and I just wanted someone to make me feel loved.

Michael Whitlock:
And your background in nursing, you’ve been in some high-stress situations. You were an ER nurse for a number of years. I mean, you’ve seen people at different types of bad days at the ER level, and then at the level of they’re getting treatment for addiction.

Lea:
Right. Yes. Yeah, I did ER for 13 years, seen a lot of stuff, everything from mental health and emotional things to their worst day because they are super sick or super injured and I’ve been there, seen it. You don’t think it affects you as much as it does. I think it does, though. You take some of those things home with you. So when I came here, I just wanted to make the clients feel like I felt when I was at my lowest.

Michael Whitlock:
Yeah.

Aaron Reason:
Absolutely.

Michael Whitlock:
I understand.

Aaron Reason:
Well, let’s get into a little bit of your story, Lea, because you are in recovery, you’re a recovering alcoholic, so why don’t you talk about that? Just take us through your journey and what it’s been like for you.

Michael Whitlock:
And I love these stories because the redemption is there. You see the beginning and you hear about those hardships. It’s kind of hard to imagine that someone who is so successful and loving has experienced this, but I think it’s a great story for people to hear because they can see some hope in it.

Aaron Reason:
Most definitely. Yeah.

Lea:
Thank you. So I guess I will be sober four years on April 2nd, so just a few days.

Michael Whitlock:
Awesome.

Aaron Reason:
Awesome. Congrats.

Lea:
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you, thank you. I’ve done a couple of things in my life. I’ve had beautiful girls and I became a nurse and I’ve done some really good things, but getting sober was the hardest, but the most rewarding thing by far. Just a little bit about my background, I guess. I grew up in a family of six. I was one of four children. I was the oldest. My mom and dad found out they couldn’t have more children after they had me, so they adopted my siblings. They’re in the middle.

Aaron Reason:
Cool.

Lea:
So they were both hard to place children, which means they’ve had some bad backgrounds, some bad things happen to them, but my parents took that as a way to help them when no one else could, they thought, and that was amazing.

Michael Whitlock:
So nurturing runs in your family.

Lea:
Yes.

Michael Whitlock:
Being awesome. That’s cool.

Lea:
Big time. Yeah. My mom’s a grade school teacher. My dad’s a police officer. They’re both retired now. So I grew up in a very loving, very, quote, unquote, “normal home”. Went to a Catholic grade school, went to a Catholic middle school. We were raised very strong in our faith. We said the rosary every night as a family, went to church every Sunday as a family. When I got to high school, I was, again, a very normal kid. I was in all the things. I was in sports and drama club and student council, and I loved high school.
So in high school I drank just a little bit, I guess, smoked a little pot with my friends. You hear about addiction and alcoholism and that was never even a thought in my brain at the time. Went to college and I met my husband. Actually, we met each other in seventh grade, so we kind of met back up at Ball State where I went to college and we started dating, got married. Again, very normal, very un… When you think of an addict or an alcoholic, that was not my life. I grew up and just didn’t have any of that in my immediate family other than my grandparents on my mom’s side. And then a lot of my aunts on my dad’s side were suffering from alcoholism. But it just never crossed my mind that that would ever be a problem for me. I went to Ball State and then I transferred to Marian. I kind of went around from everything from deaf education to special education. And then finally I was a camp counselor and decided I loved the nursing aspect of it.

Michael Whitlock:
Great.

Lea:
So I went into nursing. My husband and I, he was very busy, he was in grad school, we decided to have children at the time. So we had my youngest, Emily, or my oldest, I’m sorry, Emily. Then we had Claire, my youngest. And he and I just, I think slowly over time began kind of separating. I was an ER nurse and he was in finance. And those are two very different worlds.

Michael Whitlock:
Both stressful too.

Lea:
Both stressful too, especially during tax season. He’s a CPA or he was a CPA. So, very stressful. And I spent a lot of time with just the girls or working, picked up an extra job at the time. We kind of hit a rough spot and it was around our seven-year mark of being married. And then we both talked about it and decided we wanted to keep working on things. At about the 13-year mark, we decided that we had nothing in common anymore. So we decided we were going to part ways. I think that was a decision that I didn’t realize how hard it would be without my girls.
So every other week he would have the girls one week and I would have the girls the next week. And I remember in my own brain, I was working, I was doing okay. And then I think one night, I literally remember the night that it started, I was washing dishes, missing my daughters, and I thought, I’m just going to go get a bottle of wine. Just going to go get a bottle of wine. I need to sleep. I was working down in Indianapolis at the time. I was at the trauma center, Indianapolis, 86th Street Trauma Center, which is what I wanted this whole time. I was really into ER and working in the ER and I wanted more. So I went down to Indianapolis. And that was much more stressful, much more intense. I was on the trauma team down there, and I think day in and day out, when you see awful things happen to people, you compartmentalize things and you’re able to, or you think you’re able to, and then until you can’t anymore.
And so I remember I was drinking, I was starting to drink nightly by then, and then I was lonely. So starting to feel this guilt over drinking and shame over drinking because by then I was starting to hide it. I was missing…. I was lonely, and I was feeling like I needed a companion. I started dating. I got online and started… I look back and it was serial dating it. It was I’m not happy with myself. I’m not happy with who I am. I’m going to go find this love elsewhere, because I felt like my parents didn’t love me. It was very frowned upon to get divorced in the Catholic Church. And even though alcoholism is recognized as a disease, I should have been better. I should have been smarter. I should have figured it out myself. That was all me. That’s what I took on myself.
My parents, they kind of distanced themselves from me. I think it was just hard to see me the way that I was. I went to Fairbanks, which is down in Indianapolis, and I remember walking in and thinking, why the hell am I here? I don’t belong here. This is not me. I’m not like these people. And at that time, that was my mentality. I thought that I was empathetic and I thought I was a nurse, and I understood this disease. And I remember working in the ER and taking care of people like myself, but not recognizing that I was like them. And at the time, thinking, get it together. You’re a mom. You have a job. Just stop drinking. Just stop what you’re doing. And at the time, I just didn’t realize it was harder than that. It was so much harder. There was so much more to it than that.
So over the course of, I think two years towards the end, I went to two different detoxes. I went to a step down, like PHP, in Chicago. I went to another place. And each time that I came back home, I think that my life was such a disaster. I wasn’t paying bills. I left food in the fridge for weeks on end. I wasn’t cleaning, I wasn’t doing laundry.

Aaron Reason:
Didn’t even recognize yourself, I’m sure.

Lea:
I didn’t. I didn’t. I wasn’t showering. I wasn’t strong enough to walk down the hallway and shower. I did things that I never ever thought I would do. I drove drinking. That wasn’t someone that I thought I would ever become. And so I think through the course of that, I just kept getting more and more down on myself and more and more disgusted with myself and feeling this horrible shame.
My parents were super supportive towards the end. I think they knew how desperate I was becoming. Towards the end, I remember being in rehab in Chicago, and I had these pictures on the wall of my girls, and I think I look at these people that I take care of here today, and lots of them have children and people think in addiction, you’re just stuck in your own head and in this addiction. And I remember that’s all I could think about was my girls, but I don’t think I realized at the time I had to do it for myself. I couldn’t do it for my parents or to keep my job. I lost several jobs. I came to work drunk one day. Someone said they smelled alcohol on my breath. So I was sent to HR, had my blood drawn, and I was immediately terminated. And that happened more than once. I took call-ins or no shows, and you don’t do that as a nurse. You don’t do that. So just feeling very incredibly, just sickened. I was sick of myself. I was sick of my own shit.

Aaron Reason:
Sick and tired of being sick and tired.

Lea:
Yes.

Aaron Reason:
Yeah, I know that feeling all too well.

Lea:
Absolutely.

Aaron Reason:
Well, let’s take a quick commercial break. So we kind of discussed the bad and we’ll get to the part of redemption-

Michael Whitlock:
Yeah, for sure.

Aaron Reason:
… for our listeners. All right. We’ll be right back.
Speaker 5:
At the Indiana Community Addiction Network, we offer the new standard in medication-assisted treatment. So if you’re ready to put substance abuse behind you, we’re here to help. We are a local family-owned center who will create an individualized physician-led care plan to help you reach sobriety. At ICAN, we treat your addiction based on your unique needs and have full addiction treatment programs. Get started on recovery today, call ICAN now to speak to an advisor at 888-635-1470, or visit us at addictionsnetwork.com.

Aaron Reason:
Okay, Lea, so at this point in your life, you’ve been to rehab how many times?

Lea:
Rehab, actual just detox, I went twice, but then I also went three other times to a lengthier program, either 28 days or two months. So I was in housing sober living.

Michael Whitlock:
I mean, we see people that come just for detox, and our recommendation is always stay longer because-

Aaron Reason:
Absolutely.

Michael Whitlock:
… detox is not enough. That’s the component where you’re coming off of everything, not where you’re getting the tools and education you need.

Aaron Reason:
Right.

Lea:
Exactly.

Michael Whitlock:
So unfortunately we see this pattern sometimes, but we’re always hopeful that people will stick it out.

Lea:
Absolutely.

Aaron Reason:
Yeah. I went to numerous detoxes myself, and then you start feeling better about yourself. You’re like, I got this.

Lea:
I can do this. Exactly.

Aaron Reason:
You got this baby, it’s fine. And then 12 minutes later you’re back at it again.

Lea:
Exactly. Exactly. There was a couple of times, I think the lowest points, and then I’ll bring it up to the higher points of course. But there was one point when I was walking down my basement stairs and I blacked out and fell down the stairs and-

Aaron Reason:
Oh, yikes.

Michael Whitlock:
Oh. Wow.

Lea:
My girls found me, broke several bones in my face and had to have reconstructive surgery. And I think the last time was the worst. I drank so much that I stopped breathing. My best friend found me, and I was brought to the ER where I worked. So when you’re brought in like that. You’re brought in as a trauma 1, which means they cut your clothes off and tubes go in every orifice. And so that all was done to me by my friends and coworkers.

Aaron Reason:
Oh, how embarrassing that-

Lea:
It was awful.

Michael Whitlock:
Traumatic.

Lea:
It was. I was a emergency detention, so I was held and I couldn’t even go to the bathroom without somebody watching me. And I knew all the people in the hospital, security guards and all the people that wouldn’t let me go to the restroom alone. And it was just absolutely embarrassing. Yes. That was-

Michael Whitlock:
Was that a wake-up call?

Lea:
At that time I remember going to my parents’ house and drinking, and I was done. I knew the girls would be taken care of, and I knew that they had a great dad and a great stepmom by that point. And so I decided that I wanted to take my life. And so I did. I tried. That was when I ended up in the ER. I ended up in ICU for several days and then at the stress center. So I think at that point, I didn’t kill myself, I wasn’t successful, so there was another reason for me to be here.

Michael Whitlock:
Absolutely, there is.

Lea:
I had to figure that out. So I think that was my wake-up call. They talk about a spiritual awakening. I don’t know if that’s when that was or what that was, but at that moment, I remember walking the halls in detox and thinking, I’m done. I’m done drinking. And I was. I walked out those doors at the end of just a detox at that time and I went straight to a meeting and everything that I had done and tried in the past, medications, and they work for some people for sure, but I was a hard head and I needed a slap in the face. I needed a kick in the face. And so I started going to meetings and-

Michael Whitlock:
Well, and educate, I’m sorry to interrupt.

Lea:
No, it’s okay.

Michael Whitlock:
And we educate that it takes lots of different tools. It’s not just one thing. You need to arm yourself with therapy, with education, sometimes with medication-assisted treatment. I mean, just all the things, just better your chances. The less amount of interventions that you apply, obviously your chances at relapse are greater. So the more you can put in place for this defense is better. Right?

Lea:
Absolutely. Yes, absolutely. I had to fill my days with meetings, being with a woman that I found to be my sponsor, being with my parents a lot, which as a 40 something year old, that was tough. I moved back in with my parents-

Michael Whitlock:
It’s called accountability. And you knew what your accountability was.

Lea:
Yeah. I had to end up selling my house. I had to change my people, places and things. Again, that’s another saying in this world, but it’s true. It’s 100% true. I had to change everything about the way that I was doing life. So yeah, I did. And-

Michael Whitlock:
One of the things I loved when I started working at this facility, I didn’t realize that people celebrated sobriety anniversaries. And I remember celebrating your sobriety anniversary here, and it was neat. Everybody was-

Lea:
It’s bigger than a real birthday.

Michael Whitlock:
Yeah, they were-

Aaron Reason:
It really is.

Lea:
It really is.

Aaron Reason:
It really is. Yeah.

Michael Whitlock:
It was like a little holiday. We were all very proud of you. And it’s just a lot of positivity. And we share it with the patients here so that they can see success. It’s really neat. And so for anyone listening, celebrate that day, it’s something to definitely… I think it’s great.

Lea:
That’s when your life changes. That’s when it starts over.

Michael Whitlock:
For sure.

Lea:
You can start fresh.

Michael Whitlock:
It’s another type of birth.

Lea:
Yes.

Michael Whitlock:
You’re being reborn-

Aaron Reason:
The rebirth.

Michael Whitlock:
Yeah, for sure.

Lea:
Absolutely.

Michael Whitlock:
So what does nursing look like for an individual that’s coming in? What’s a daily interaction with the nursing department look like at a treatment facility?

Aaron Reason:
What made you want to get into this field particularly?

Lea:
That’s a great question. So I work in a facility, and at the time I was trying to keep my nursing license and I never lost it because I was doing lots of random drug screens and lots of breathalyzers. And so the director of nursing knew this and knew I was being held accountable. So I was working at the facility I work at now, and I was doing breathalyzers every four hours. It’s funny, the clients, some of them knew. They would come up there and as they were standing there, I would do the breathalyzer. And it was kind of cool. They actually knew I was in recovery. It kind of gave me a sense of strength and community. We’re all in this together.
And I fell in love with the place I’m working at now. It’s been supportive and it’s been… It’s just they’ve loved me. They’ve loved me up so much, and it’s been part of my story, for sure. They didn’t have to hire me with my baggage. Like I said, I did several job hoppings at the end. I had a good resume for a while, and then I turned into a train wreck and I switched a lot of jobs. So my resume didn’t look good, but they took a chance and they believed in me, and I felt that.

Michael Whitlock:
I’m glad we did.

Lea:
I felt that.

Michael Whitlock:
I mean, I wasn’t here at the time, but I mean, there’s a family atmosphere here-

Aaron Reason:
Definitely is a family atmosphere.

Lea:
So much.

Michael Whitlock:
And no judgment. It’s a judgment-free zone. We celebrate diversity and accomplishments and recovery, and we see that there’s an inner good in people and it helps me find joy in my work.

Lea:
I think it’s good that you mentioned diversity. As an alcoholic, you think that it’s just one type of people or group of people, but it hits everybody on every level, color, race, denomination, it doesn’t matter. It can touch anyone.

Michael Whitlock:
Sure.

Lea:
It doesn’t matter your education, your background.

Aaron Reason:
Absolutely.

Lea:
The common alcoholic or addict is not what we used to think of anymore. It’s people that are normal people that carry on normal lives and have families. And we need to recognize that. We need to understand that and educate people about it.

Michael Whitlock:
And we’ve learned through science that some people are genetically predisposed to become-

Lea:
Exactly.

Michael Whitlock:
… addicts. And unless you get that testing or know your family history, you don’t know if having some drinks is going to lead to a lifelong addiction.

Lea:
Exactly.

Michael Whitlock:
So we need to not be so judgmental about people that are suffering through this. We just need to help them.

Lea:
That’s right. Exactly.

Michael Whitlock:
Again, let’s go back to a patient walks in the door, what they can expect from nursing services.

Lea:
So I get to meet them at the very beginning. I get to meet them, I go up to greet them when they walk in the door, and people are in all different types of feelings when they come in.

Michael Whitlock:
Sure.

Lea:
Tears and intoxication and anger and resentment. I remember feeling that way. So it’s kind of really cool and, in fact, I feel more of a closeness to those people that I am able to go through their intake process or their admission process.

Michael Whitlock:
Not taking it personally that you’re being attacked or whatever.

Lea:
Yeah, for sure.

Aaron Reason:
Oh, yeah. We get those good ones that come in with the verbal assaults on you. It’s all about acceptance.

Lea:
Of course. Of course. Exactly. Yeah. People are not at their happiest moments when they walk in this door, but I remember that, and I just wanted someone to make me feel comfortable. I think we are so good about that here. We walk them back to our intake room and we kind of yell out their name and the clients say, “Hi.” And anybody that’s out working in the general area at the time, greets the patient as we bring them back and they just immediately start to feel more secure and more safe and more loved, I guess is the best word. That’s the beginning.
And so we assess them, we treat them when they feel terrible. We have lots of medications we can help them out with. And I think the best part about this job is we get to talk to them. We get to talk to them one-on-one. I’m no therapist, but I’ve been there. And so I get it and I get what they’re feeling. A couple of clients have even been angry with me because of their situation. And I know that other people that work in the field of addiction and have been in addiction too, understand this. But they get in my face and say, “You don’t understand. You’ve never been there.” And I can say, “I do get it. I do understand.”

Aaron Reason:
Lately, you and I do a lot of intakes together, and we’ve been in those situations where we’re back there in the process of doing an intake and they’re yelling at us and they’re like, “You guys don’t understand.” And then once we tell them about ourselves and about our past, instantly, it’s crazy how much they change, isn’t it?

Lea:
It is.

Aaron Reason:
I mean, they just-

Lea:
It stops immediately.

Aaron Reason:
Yeah. Immediately. It’s amazing. But to be able to have that connection, I think is so important. It’s important for them.

Lea:
I agree.

Michael Whitlock:
One thing I love about this facility is the layout is the offices and treatment is intermixed. It’s not segregated. So patients are walking around freely around the whole facility. So anyone that they interact with, whether it’s the CEO, the maintenance guy, the nurses, the therapists, they’re all checking on people constantly throughout the day. And so I get to see other people’s interactions. They get to see my interactions. It’s, I think, very helpful so that we can keep a pulse on mental health. And we are a co-occurring mental health addiction treatment facility. So it’s important that we’re keeping that pulse.

Lea:
Exactly. Exactly. Absolutely right.

Michael Whitlock:
And as people develop these relationships with our staff, they have some people that they trust. And you’re often one of those people that we see people like, “Is Lea working today?” And it’s like, “I just want to check in with her,” whether it’s giving a mental health checkup or, “Hey, look what I painted today, guess what I learned in class today.” So you’re definitely one of the favorites, and we appreciate that. And I think it’s a tribute to who your heart is and what you learned as a former client in recovery. And you admit that when you’re struggling, you’re not afraid to lean back on those 12-step programs or you’d call your sponsor and just say, “Hey, today’s a rough day.” Giving some words of advice to coworkers that are in recovery. I love that about you.

Lea:
Thank you.

Aaron Reason:
And you sponsor women too. I mean, I think… It’s so ironic. I actually read a devotional on this this morning talking because of the 12-step programs that we work. One of them is going back and helping others. And I think that’s so important for us because we can help others more than anybody else, because they feel comfortable and they feel like they can relate to you. But I’ve always felt personally like it’s my responsibility to do that. There was a meme going around on Facebook for a while, and it was talking about what am I going to do when I get to the top? I’m going to reach my hand back down and I’m going to help others get to that same place.

Lea:
Exactly.

Aaron Reason:
And I think that’s what we have to do as recovering addicts and alcoholics. We have to go back and help others. And if we do that, if we can… We all live in our little worlds. We all have our little worlds, our group of friends. And I always try to challenge people to make an impact in your world, wherever you’re at, make a ripple because a ripple can cause a wave and a wave can cause a tsunami, and that’s what our community needs. We need a tsunami of recovery, flooding these streets because you’re right, it’s such a different world. Addiction just touches everybody now.

Lea:
It does. It does.

Aaron Reason:
It reaches families. I mean, people that have never had to deal with this. Now they’re starting to see it’s a deadly disease, but the thing is, it’s treatable and it’s manageable.

Michael Whitlock:
There is hope.

Aaron Reason:
There is hope.

Michael Whitlock:
Yes.

Aaron Reason:
There is hope.

Michael Whitlock:
Yes.

Aaron Reason:
Well, Lea, thank you so much. I just love your story. I love your passion for helping others, and I love your heart. I’m so glad that you’re in my life, and I’m sure Michael feels the same way.

Michael Whitlock:
Please don’t ever change because you are an asset to our company and the patients that come in here.

Lea:
Thank you. I’m just lucky enough to be able to do what I do and love it so much. I get paid for doing what I love and just being a nurse. It’s amazing.

Aaron Reason:
All right.

Lea:
Thank you so much for having me.

Michael Whitlock:
Thank you for listening to another episode of A Reason to Live. Want to thank our special guest, Lea, for sharing her story of redemption, and we’re just very proud of who she is and that she is a member of our team. Want to also thank our sponsors, Bridges of Hope and Indiana Community Addiction Network. If you are in need of assistance, there is no shame in reaching out and the websites can be found on our show description. Also, want to remind our listeners to follow us on all of the major podcast platforms, and thank you for listening.